It's not mine...

While planet Earth hurtles at several zillion miles an hour through the farthest reaches of the Milky Way with several billion fragile lifeforms clinging on by nothing more than the unified belief in a force called "Gravity" holding them on, I'm reminded of the horrors that the Carbon based life forms have inflicted on the Universe.

I am of course talking about colour changing glowing Mice.
Now I'm not on about the squeaking rodent variety which my dog used to love devouring, leaving their little tails wiggling out of the corner of her mouth as she swallowed them down - I am of course speaking of the PC variety, the considerably more annoying version of the said rodent.

I notice in a famous PC store somewhere in the "World" that they have knocked a massive £3 off the price of one during their clearance sale.
Fortunately I was handed one on my desk at work recently whilst I had my trusty screwdriver to hand, a quick shout of "what the fuck is this gay shit" and moments later the electronics were dissected from the bowels of the beast.
Like a slaughtered animal it's body parts lay strewn and the entrails dangled over my desk with the light changing colours in the faint hope that it may attract a mate before it died a horrible death (by me hammering the electronics with heavy objects).

Now computer mice should be like Children, easily controlled and in the case of film celebrities easy to exchange if you don't like the one you have already.
When your hand is effectively on a whores knickers, lighting up the room in all fancy colours your on your own when you plug one in at your local McDonalds and start to surf the web.
I can see the headlines now - "Man kicked to death by own family in McDonalds" - they say the life of a Monk is a lonely one, it's fuck all compared to the lonely life of someone who plugs in a colour changing mouse in front of his kids.

I'll send a petition immediately to the Vatican to ask that they ban them from being used as they make you look gay and also ask if NASA can possibly cram them all into their next test launch so we can pop them all off into Space.

Hopefully many years from now as a sensible mouse orientated planet we will witness the first encounter with Non Earth Intelligence, I can imagine the meeting now.

Our finest minds and representatives are beamed aboard their space ship, the Alien leader announces they have traveled thousands of light years to reach our planet and remark in some ways how our civilizations are very similar. In their travels through space they have come across our probes, rockets and even space debris and have admired our scientific creations and been fascinated by our creative minds. They have sacrificed lifetimes to search for our planet to further their understanding of this interesting culture and expand the relations through the known Universe through the word of Peace.

Obviously someone from the Earth delegation will remark in a louder than expected voice (due to unforseen echos from the Alien ship walls) that the Alien leader appears Gay as he has what appears to be an old colour changing PC mouse plugged into his console (obviously rescued from the Space Junk) - History will record how the Alien leader stood up, shouted "It's not fucking mine" moments before reducing the planet to ashes and throwing the world representitives to his dogs.

His parting words will be "I like the way their legs wiggle in the dogs mouths before they swallow them down".

Let these words be heeded, lest the end of the World is nigh through the beast known as colour changing mice (£9.99 for a limited time ....)

Ding Dong Dell

I always like it when you get a strange message on a computer that relates to nothing seen before.
My brother slapped what first appeared to be a warm steaming turd on my desk but after polishing it for a while it showed itself to be a Dell GX280.

It was his old work machine until they made him redundant so I can't blame him for picking such filth up.

Ironically I regard these machines as exceptionally well made, if you open the clam shell the cables are always a lesson in how to do it, the design with the drives contained in the lid and the main system in the base plate is also commendable.

They let themselves down by small things like the units running hot on some processors, difficult expansion and we have seen a lot of system boards fail (faulty capacitors) or simply blow themselves up.

Anyway to cut a very long story into a slightly less long story, he was having trouble - it turns out after a while in storage it beeps like mad when turned on and does very little (sounds like a typical Gx280).

This unit needs DDR2 533mhz Ram so it was no surprise to find his previous company had put Kingston Value RAM in, one stick was 533mhz, the other 400mhz!
A quick replacement with some 533mhz and were at least booting to BIOS screen now.

For added fun value the GX then decided to give a "OS Install mode enabled" and told us memory was limited to 256MB.
Amusingly boot into any OS and it shows 256MB despite 1GB being fitted.

Even more amusingly the boffins who wrote the BIOS decided you can't do anything to turn this option on or off, there's simply no setting in the later versions of BIOS.

After much cursing to the shoddy dick head who thought this up I resorted to the time honored "Clear CMOS", the good news is if your in the same position i.e just about to insert a large foot up the Arse of your Dell because of this error and finding the option does not exist in BIOS then clearing the CMOS cured it.
I presume it was an relic from a previous BIOS, the CMOS battery was a little low so somehow that option got toggled in the BIOS memory, you then get the message and can't do anything about it because the newer BIOS has no options !

If there's one thing you can't beat it's a PC sticking it's arse in your face and calling you a bitch.

I don't think the GX realizes how lucky it's been, it's a cold and lonely place on our local tip - next time you might not be so lucky !

Quick tip for anyone running Ubuntu (hopefully all the sensible people who are fed up to the back teeth with the shit delivered by WinDoze and it's happy band of 12 year olf Virus creators etc) - in preparation for 9.10 (Karmic Koala) Ubuntu rolled out some updates, Wicd (the replacement network manager) seemed to go a bit nutty with these updates and sometimes wouldn't connect to wireless or connect then drop off later.

Fortunately you can remove it and put the original network manager on with a quick trip to the terminal screen and a "sudo apt-get install network-manager" - this removes Wicd (which I still hope to put back on when Karmic is installed) and replaces with the network manager.
Now comes an interesting situation, I've seen it on one or two machines, the network manager says no networks are connected but your actually connected !

Hold your mouse over the network manager icon and it gives a clue, it says "not managed", the reason your showing no network connection is the network manager has been told not to manage the connection (possibly Wicd did this when it took over? but I've seen it on a fresh install).
The fix is nice and simple.

Locate the network manager configuration file i.e open a terminal.
cd /etc/NetworkManager
edit it ...
sudo gedit nm-system-settings.conf

you will see
[main]
plugins=ifupdown,keyfile

[ifupdown]
managed=false

Change false to "True" and save the file.
Either restart or better still kill the network manager processes.
sudo killall nm-system-settings

This will force network manager to restart and Robert is inded your Mothers Brother.

This is what I like about Ubuntu or any linux for that matter, kill a major service and it just knows to restart it and carry on.
Windows on the other hand, simply boot it up and your in deep shit.

My work colleague made the fatal mistake of updating his video driver in Vista, his 4 day old laptop (quad core no less) was left with an operating system that may as well have been a block of wood.
You would ask why can't a stable operating system be made before the decision is made to abandon it and go onto the next one.
Already Windows 7 is being installed the world over, XP is effectively not supported and Vista is only worth installing on your ex-wife/girlfriends machine or your worst enemies PC.
I was chatting to a customer Thursday, he was running SCO unix, his clients first reboot on a server i.e the FIRST time it needed a power down or reboot was THREE YEARS from the day it was installed.

I've said it before, I'll say it again, why tolerate paying for an operating system that continually demands more and more overheads, has poor virus protection and will force you to upgrade your hardware regularly or replace itself regularly just so you can type one or two letters ?

Peace to everyone (Unless your a Windoze lover - in which case I hope your computers running shitty - like they always do).

The many faces of...

Pleasure it seems comes in many forms, for some it's nothing more than a enjoying chunk of chocolate, for others a nice meal, watching someone fall down flights of stairs or many other timeless pass times.

One of my favorite hobbies is the Old git in his car - pull up at almost any car park and you can witness this fast growing event.

Over the years I've realized these people actually fall into categories, why not play today and see if you can spot one near you ?

The Turd Polisher.
These can provide hours of amusement - basically they drive an old M or P registration car, hopefully a Morris Marina or Talbot, park in the local supermarket, let their wife out to do some shopping and then the fun begins.

They pull out an old rag and begin slowly and deftly polishing the car regardless of the weather - now this is an important factor, a true devotee to the turd polishing will polish slowly and methodically (and bear in mind I've witnessed this myself) in rain or snow. In fact the only time I've seen them give up was during a torrential thunderstorm or an intense hail shower.
Thankfully the moment this subsides they hop out for renewed turd cleaning.

The Homing Pidgeon.
These form a small percentage of the OAP drivers.
As an example of perhaps one of the world leaders I'll describe what I witnessed only yesterday, a true honor and privilege to witness a master at work.
True to form he had a large R registration estate (looked like an old Talbot but the rust hid the true vehicle identity, a Peugot 406 was my other guess).
First he came into the local petrol station via the exit (at 2mph), he then proceeded to locate a pump by driving the wrong way around the garage (much to the amusement of the other drivers).
So very very very very slowly he navigated around the pumps (in opposition to the main traffic), decided non were suitable then turned sharp left and placed his car at 90 degree angle across the middle pump lanes thus blocking all traffic from being able to use these lanes.
His car remained for a while as he then plotted his next move, some people think they are lost or make random movements but nothing is done without a plan - it may take them 45 years to get to the local supermarket but it's the care and attention to detail on the route that matters.
After a couple of minutes he then makes a multiple point turn (probably 9 goes to turn his car 90 degrees more to the left) ,where he then pulls up beside his chosen pump.

I timed his antics, all in all he took 11 minutes to get into the garage and pull up beside his pump, had he come in the correct entrance he most likely could have driven straight to the pump and been done.

I left (slightly saddened) witnessing him attempting to get out his car - it seemed this was not just a master of one art but it seemed I was witnessing probably the Grand Ubermeister - a person with multiple skills.

The Oooofer .
These are one of the most common OAP drivers you will see, still much amusement can be had observing them waiting for one of the other grand masters to come along.
They often appear reasonably competent when driving (sticking to speed limits etc) which lures you into a false sense of security.
They then pull up in front of you quite often at the petrol pump, blocking your exit and then they begin.
Very slowly (they seem to take an age), they open the door, quit often shutting it part way or all the way, then open it again then they reach the pinnacle of their act.
If you watch carefully they then grab all the car bodywork and attempt to leave the car with shouts of "ooooof", "ooooooooooooof" - this typically takes five or ten minutes.
You in the mean time have filled your car up and have just paid for your fuel so get back to your car in time to see the old git has only got one leg out.
Finally after longer than it takes for petrol to evaporate they get out the car, attempt several times to shut the car door (with more "ooofs"), lock the car *Note here that NO O.A.P will have remote locking, they ALWAYS use a key and put it on a keyring with 4000 other keys*, then proceed to the fueling stage.
Predictable as always they find the fuel cap locked, go back to the drivers side, find the correct key and unlock it, then after what seems a fucking eternity find the fuel cap release lever, close the door and lock it again.
Back round to the fuel cap, remove the cap (your engine is meanwhile reaching critical temperature now), remove the cap - spend several minutes trying to put it somewhere then after placing it there it rolls off anyway.

Now comes the fuel selection, after picking every wrong nozzle they finally make their selection and then very carefully fill up with £2.50 worth.
After tapping the nozzle several times to ensure every drop is counted for they then spend ages locating the dropped fuel cap, about 5 minutes fitting it then find they can't shut the fuel flap (the car locking assembly has engaged the locking pin) so they go back to the drivers door, unlock the door, back to the fuel flap, close that, back to the drivers door, lock that and then off to pay.

I myself have timed this event at 22 minutes - I've actually seen my "miles remaining" dropping as I sit there silently screaming.

The lighthouse keeper.
These are considerable fun, you can actually play along whilst driving.
You'll be driving along a clear road, nothing ahead then he will either make his move and pop out a side entrance or will be waiting around the bend.
Either way you approach on a bright sunny cloudless day and find yourself behind someone doing 15 mph.
Slowing down to avoid a collision you then find he reveals himself.
Without warning all the car lights come on including the fog lights (bear in mind if he's a turd polisher they will be amazingly clean and therefore brighter than anything your used to), he'll also stab his brakes regularly to ensure he has your attention.

There's nothing quite like the amusement had pulling back so he turns everything off then suddenly creeping forwards, the lights often mimic the distance you are away from the rear of his car - 50 feet = all lights on, 40 = feet fog lights on, 30 feet = random stabbing of brake pedals.
If your fortunate the old git will also be a mastter "Flag waver", these make random and severe hand and arm gestures which bear resemblence to rock carvings in 4000 year old Mayan temples.

No human alive has any idea what the idiot is trying to say but it'a obviously a lost language, look carefully you might see Fog light ON, large arm gesture, fog light OFF, ON, OFF, ON, Brake light ON, more gestures.

Personally I've no fucking idea but I presume he's greeting me and saying "as a fellow road user, please follow my car but I'm a fucking idiot so I have to flash all my lights to warn other road users" or something like that.

The good news is they drive so slowly and spend so much time looking in the rear mirror that at any time you can accelerate past them - if you do this they normally invite you to play along by flashing their headlights at you several times.
I once accepted this kind and heartwarming invitation by slowing down and putting all my lights on so he can play as well - even better I played "Stab the brakes" and he thanked me by flashing his lights and attempting to overtake me at 20mph.

Quite simply one of the most enjoyable of the OAP driving styles.

The lost lamb.
These are so common that to be fair they provide no amusement nor enjoyment unless you witness one of the grand masters of the art.

They normally show themselves by driving at the obligatory 20mph but either slam their brakes on and turn violently (but slowly) towards a turning then take one of several choices.
1) They either put their indicator on but stop 1/2 way through the turn to check the road is clear (bearning in mind everyone has performed emergency stops to prevent collision).
2) They decide this might not be the turn as it doesn't look the right colour or smell right, they stop and then turn on the opposite indicator - this however leads to multiple choices as well.
3) Depending on 1 or 2 above they either continue the turn or actually turn the wrong way back into the traffic - thus the conclusion is that irrespective of the fact an indicator is on it has no relation to the fricking direction they intend to take.
4) In some cases they stop and engage the reverse lights on the car - quite rare but always keep a camera handy in case you see this.
5) Should the decision be made to complete the turn this will of course result in the car being stuck, they will have turned slightly too late so no car in existence has the ability to turn at such a sharp angle. This then leads to a blocked road with much horn honking.
6) look very carefully, if you sometimes see the wipers come on rather than the indicators, this can reveal a few seconds warning that "something" is about to happen, if you recognize this trigger you may have sufficient time to put your mobile into video mode and capture the event.

The Shuffler.
I have seen this skill mixed with the turd polisher and the Ooofer, when parking it's important to check EVERY space.
The Shuffler will move periodically and randomly to several places before settling on a space furthest away frm their destination.
I witnessed this best in a well known supermarket in Lincoln - Whilst sitting in my car eating a sandwich an old lady approached, turned far too late into the space thus rubbing her front bumper along the side of my car.
She then stopped, engaged reverse and smartly reversed out the space and into a volvo parked in a space opposite - the Volve responded by shaking violently.
A quick change back to first gear and more rubbing down the side of my car (bear in mind I was trying to get out my door at this time so had to jump back in to save my life).
Not content with "amlost" getting into this space (and bear in mind her wing mirror was rubbing on my door glass leaving 4 inches of space at the widest point) she engaged reverse again, went out the space, hit the Volvo another glancing blow, back into forward gear and she then zig zagged across the car park before nestling in a space several hundred yards away.

Deeming it safe to get out I examined the marks on the paintwork of my company car (so no damage there then !) and went to inspect the Volvo with the cracked number plate and nicely scuffed bumper.
As timing would have it I was greeted by a voice beind me - "Oy what the fuck are you doing with my car?" to which I thanked the powers that be and described the carnage that ensued, pointing out my own damage and the fact I wrote the registration on my hand lest I die through the repeated impacts.
It was quite amusing watching him vaulting over the shrubbery whilst the old dear was in the middle of here Ooofing routine getting out the car.

Unfortunately I had to leave then but this was safe in the knowledge that whilst the Volve driver was attempting to get an explaination from her I was in no doubt some people would assume he was attacking this frail old woman and get him arrested.

The paper trail.
These are the annoying fuckers who drive in front of you far below the speed limit, wandering all over the road and then ..... out it comes, cigarette wrappers, toffee wrappers, anything they can throw out.
Obviously it's far too much trouble to put a carrier bag into the car and put their own shit into it - and these are the people who moan that they fought in the World War for us, yeah lovely, I appreciate in the War there was most likely a distinct lack of waste bins but now your back in the Green and Pleasant land it doesn't hurt to take your own shit home and throw it away.

Sometimes you see the oooofer or turd polisher also enjoy some paper trail activities, this involves them finding scraps of their own crap in the car and emptying them out into the supermarket car park.

The Squeezer.
These take great delight in putting their car in the smallest space possible or at an angle making it impossible for the drivers or passengers on either side to get in our out of their cars.
I've noticed a true squeezer parks no less than 30 degrees off the true line, the angle is always quite pronounced and I'm sure there are nuclear missles that hit their targets with more precision than these fuckers can put a slab of steel into a clearly marked rectangle.

The old dear in Lincoln was clearly a devotee of the squeezer but let herself down by concentrating on more than one skill at a time, it pays to become an expert in one field before combining them.

I was in a car park in Nottingham once when I met a champion Squeezer, he shoe horned his car into a gap far too small for his car leaving about 8 inches on the passenger side.
His ample (Fat) female passenger then attempted to open her door several times by smashing it into the side of my car.
Bear in mind I'm actually sitting in my car eating a sandwich (it appears I sat in my car a lot eating sandwiches - well yes you do when your a field engineer), she then squeezed herself out of the car (more door banging and lots of oofing) and then for her finale she knocked my wing mirror off as she forced her fat arse past it.

Obviously impressed by their display I attempted a tribute to them by opening my door and smashing it repeatedly against theirs (while they watched), I gave them a brief smile as they walked away.

I completely forgot to add a classic - I was reminded by two grand masters as I drove to work today....

The Time Lord.
These show a mastery of Space and Time that would shame Doctor Who himself.
As an example this morning we were waiting at some traffic lights, they changed to Green and then Space and Time itself seemed to warp, the Ford Galaxy in front of me moved so slowly that I'm sure Glaciers exist in the barren wastes of Norway that move faster.
He pulled over the white line (eventually) and proceeded to turn slower than the outer planets revolve around the most distant of stars, probably no more than 6 feet over the white line the lights turned back to Red leaving him and me with some 40ft to go and the traffic from the left now looking more than ready to go.

After what seemed like an eternity he finally completed his turn and then accelerated to 20mph.
Now I'm pretty sure inside his cabin the story was different, the lights changed, his engine leapt into life and powered his vehicle with such force he had difficulty in controlling it, he then skidded 90 degrees through the turn and was pleased with himself for using his well practised skill controls. He then accelerated to 110mph as he blasted down the road.

Eventually he turned off and some of my hair turned back to its normal colour.
I met No.2 near work, he was achieving the massive speed of 22mph (as shown by the road side speed sign) - he then slowed down as this was far too fast, slammed his brakes on to prevent him loosing control on a slight bend and proceeded to drive like that for his entire journey, slowing down, speeding up and slamming his brakes on.

True masters of their art if ever I have seen them - now before anyone spits and sparks about speed and safety you can actually get a ticket for dangerous driving for going too slowly, I know someone it has happened to - the Police will tell you other drivers feel compelled to swerve around you thus you create a rolling roadblock.
And no I don't go too fast, I drive an Avensis - therefore it's mathematically and physically impossible to go too fast. But I do like to get there some time today.

Time to re-align my Karmic

A wise man once said to me "if you write a shit Blog then put some tits on it or no one will ever visit your web site."

With that in mind I thought it best to start with something positive then quickly work my way downwards.

So with about a month to go until official release I've installed Ubuntu 9.10 Karmic Koala.
1st Impressions are pretty shit hot to be fair, small things such as a drive manager, in there you can rename or organise any volumes as you see fit, mark volumes bootable etc but more importantly it links into the drive SMART reporting so you can see any and all predicted drive errors or failures. You can take a drive from another machine, plug it in and see how healthy it is or what it's history is like due to SMART drives logging the errors on board.

You can also set up software RAID easily in here so this is something I'll be looking at further once it's fully sorted.
If you install Ubuntu on traditional Intel systems then it normally goes in without a hitch, Dell machines tend to use Broadcom network cards such as BCM4318 (Airforce one 54g). If your not familar with the recent Ubuntu versions then the old way to get such cards working was using the Ndiswrapper but recently there is a utility "FWCUTTER" which makes installing and using these cards a 30 second breeze.

With Karmic the fwcutter is installed on recognition of the BCM card, you just need to go into SYSTEM, ADMINISTRATION then HARDWARE DRIVERS and confirm it's activation.
Reboot and it's all sorted.

Testing it on a Dell machine the "WiFi" light didn't work or respond before, click the fwcutter option in the hardware drivers and it works perfectly.

Add to this Ubuntu ONE which is a free 2gb shared storage area where you can store and share your own files with yourself or others I expect this release to go from strength to strength.

Behind the scenes the Grub loader is new, the default file system is ext4 instead of ext 3 or 2, this adds new file system features such as support for file systems of 1 exabyte and individual files up to 16 terrabytes. Other features include file pre-allocation without needing to qualify the file by filling it with null values (as most operating systems do), on the fly defrag and other bits and bobs.

So far Karmic installed perfectly in a Virtual machine (Vbox running on Ubuntu 9.04) and installed perfectly on a donor Dell system with the system being "up" and running wireless plus all the OS updates in about 30 mins.

Although from the Windows side Windows 7 will be a hit many people are now fed up to the back teeth with persistent viruses and resource hungry programs, why should you need a dual or quad core notebook to surf the web and pick up emails etc ?

Using Ubuntu allows a wealth of royalty free programs, almost no risk of virus attack and immense security and features.
At the moment the only program I have not got running with any success is Itunes but the Linux community is working on this so it's only a matter of time and that should be sorted as well.

In the mean time Karmic looks a suitable update - don't worry if you apply it, the updater apparently won't change existing Grub loaders to the new version, nor will it change the file system to ext4 (ext 4 is backwards compatible anyway with ext3 and 2).

The Park

(Click the picture to view my Picasa album with more pics of Burgh Island and Challaborough)

It may be of use to anyone stumbling randomly on this blog to get a review of the holiday park itself.
We went to Parkdean holidays and were a little nervous as the few reviews you can read are either glowing praise or stories of doom and gloom.

It appears the site has two operators, one is Parkdean and the other is perhaps left for people to form their own opinions and believe me I heard people openly discussing the 2nd operator and almost offered them shelter and comfort in our caravan.

We rented a "Heron" caravan which is normally a few years of age, it was a "Super Comfort 35" van and was superb, the van had plenty of space (we had a 2 bedroom van), the living area (pictured) had plenty of deep seating, a freeview TFT TV with built in DVD player, a very well equipped kitchen and a bathroom better than ours at home !

The bathroom had a walk in power shower, big enough for two people, a large built in sink with mixer tap and was en-suite to the main bedroom, a door on the main passageway gave a 2nd entrance.

complete with central heating and double glazing it was 10/10 for this, parking was fine, right beside the van and the owners had put a picnic bench outside and rotary clothes drier so top marks for them as well.

Parkdean themselves went above and beyond in looking after you, the staff (even the chaps mowing the lawns etc) were friendly and made you feel looked after - the entertainment was fine with no complaints, a good size bar and again the staff did all they could to make you feel welcome.

We tried the take away service but perhaps it was the late time we went that made it less than we expected. The chicken burger was fine but the 12 inch "Rollover" hot dog was luke warm and in a dry bun. They do pizza and other stuff there, they looked OK.

The site has a 2nd bar and restaraunt "Regatta" and we went there for a meal, they were very busy as England were playing so we waited about 45 mins for the food to come, to be 100% honest it was perfectly edible and actually far better than many places I've eaten at in the past, in fact the portions were so good none of us could finish their meals despite the fact we were starving.
Although one or two pounds dearer perhaps than a pub meal if you went out locally and added petrol on etc I doubt you would eat much cheaper.
The roast chicken (I think it was £6.95) was 1/2 a chicken with veg and potatoes which looked really nice, I had Rump steak, nipper had chicken and bacon melt with Jacket spud and missus had ribs with fries, corn on the cob, fresh coleslaw and other bits and bobs - add to that some home made onion rings and we were more than happy.

I did notice one or two people getting agitated with the wait but the bar was very busy and one or two got slightly wrong orders (chips instead of boiled potatoes) but I would definately eat in there again, we planned to but when we went into Tesco got a snack for the last night instead (which probably cost as much as eating in there).

All in all the park was very good, we didn't go into the indoor pool (as we spent all the time in the sea at Burgh Island), didn't go into the amusements so can't comment on any of them and the site has a small Costcutter shop for essentials.

Perhaps the one and only thing I noticed was the small stream that goes through the park (and behind our caravan), people seemed to use it as a dumping ground for a few bits of rubbish and even emptying soapy water from buckets they used to wash their vans. As this stream emerges on the beach it was a shame to see the cups, bags and rubbish in there as it has signs for children to look out for frogs etc - It's not encouraging to get your children to play in a soapy rubbish strewn stream.
It didn't ruin the holiday but when every thing else is so good you notice these things, much like Challaborough beach, when the tides out it's fine but walk back to the high water line and the rotting seaweed and flies and you feel it shouldn't be like that.

Would I go back - absolutely, the park and the caravan were great, we had one episode where some drunken fools had a massive row on the road at 3:40am (one thoughtfully stood outside our van shouting and screaming), Parkdean security were on the scene quickly and dispersed the problem, we never saw them again so either they went home early or were thrown out - either was OK with us and it wasn't Parkdeans fault it happened, it was the drunken idiots - if you can't hold your drink then don't drink.

Parkdean security were noticed several times patrolling so full marks to them for making you feel comfortable and secure.

All in all we had a fantastic time, the caravan site was close enough to Torquay, Plymouth etc to make day trips simple, we enjoyed Burgh Island beach for it's outstanding sandy beaches and rockpools and just had a great time.

Many thanks to Parkdean for looking after us so well and making us feel looked after - if your thinking of going here then use Parkdean and not the "other" operator who I heard stories about myself whilst there (not good ones).

The Sun'll come out .... tomorrow .....

Psst - Ignore the date on the photo, the camera decided to go a bit nutty and put the wrong date on.

We'll were now on Wednesday and I'm trying to unsuccessfully ring the local TV station - they said the sun would come out at 10am but it actually came out at 9am ... Bastards !!!

Today the tail end of hurricane something or other has blown over (it dumped the last of the rain in the night), and we have several days of sunshine predicted.

We enjoyed breakfast recalling the loony in a Citroen C2 who was so impatient with the car in front of him on the A3121 (as we came back from DZP) that he tried to overtake (with a large car coming towards him) but decided this was far too normal way to die so decided to overtake on a blind right hand bend.
Now most people in that frame of mind forget the laws of vectors and addition of speed, if they are doing 60mph on a blind bend (let's call them car A - A for "Arse") and they meet another car doing 60mph (Let's call them car B - B for "Bloody hell there's a C2 coming head on for us") the general laws of physics dictate that should Car A and Car B meet then the occupants of anything French (and therefore shit) will be dead.

I rest my case with the immortal Citroen AX which I believe was declared the most dangerous car to have an accident in, apparently it can sever your legs or lower body parts along with other nasty things - Ironically it was always the AX that was the preferred chariot of choice for the boy racers.

Unfortunately he escaped without incident but it's only a matter of time before his 1.4 French made food mixer decides it's had enough and parks itself on the front of the local bus.
Obviously with this in mind DZP get an unexpected "meat" bonus - I can imagine the kids now "What's he eating Dad ?", Looks like a Citroen C2 Steering wheel son".

Anyway, I digress, breakfast goes without a hitch and through the rain soaked curtains we see what appears to be a strange colour - without the Internet working properly on the site (apparently it wants to install a program but my linux laptop told it to feck off) we resort to comparing the colour of the sky with a set of cheap Tesco felt pens.
"Hmmmm, nope it's not Black"

"No, it's not Red, yellow, green ..."

We settle, with disbelief on the colour "blue" - or for the sake of the C2 driver, the colour of your car before you splatter it with your own blood.

It seems Summer has indeed arrived at Challaborough.

We venture down to Challaborough beach first, now how can I describe it in words not likely to cause WW III or outcrys from the local drivers ?

I think it fair to say the orientation of Challaborough beach negatively attracts the emissions from the Atlantic swell during, before and after any storms or weather systems and allows deposition over the surface area of the beach within the upper tidal catchment area.

In laymans terms it's covered in seaweed and rubbish from the sea along the high tide mark.
Fortunately the rubbish was actually quite bearable as it had been out numbered by thousands of flies.
Despite the nice pictures and despite the fact that when the tide goes out it's not too bad the top of the beach needed a bit of TLC by someone, it wouldn't hurt to take a tractor out and scoop this shit up - sitting on a beach smelling the rotting seaweed and looking at somone's cast off rubbish is not my idea of a holiday - Nil Poits from the French Judge on this one and I lay the blame for this firmly on the local council, other beaches can send a tractor down early to clear up the high tide line and even smooth out the sand but not here it appears.

After our inspection of the local dump we decide to walk over the cliff path to Burgh Island, the walk is not too bad (about 30 degree incline for about 200 feet), the view gets better as you go up and the sight and smell of the seaweed gets less.

Coming over the top your greeted with the remarkable sight of Burgh Island, in all we spent 3 days doing nothing but sitting on this beach and enjoying the fantastic clean environment.

Fortunately all the rubbish seems to wash up at Challaborough leaving Burgh Island a fantastic place to hang out.
The sand is fine and clean, the beach almost flat so you can wade out a hundred metres and still be touching the bottom, the water is so clean you can see your feet.

Now I have to say though that the "SHDC" - South Hams District Council should get their act together, they charge £6 a day for parking and trust me the car park does a healthy bit of trade, if you put signs up saying "No Dogs Allowed" then I expect no fecking dogs.

To walk out the sea (with your child near you) and see a nice pile of dog shit is not nice, the signs offer a nice fine of £500 if you don't clear it up and the stuck up idiots who think they are too good to lower themselves to do this should be made an example of.

Now I've had dogs for 42 years in my life so before anyone clicks the "comment" button and before I click the "delete" button I've done more than my fair share of scooping dog shit and keeping them off beaches.
To visit such a superb beach and see (thankfully not many) piles of dog crap leaves a damper on the day, we even went to the "No Dogs" beach which is clearly marked and clearly signposted to find it had more dogs on it than the one they are really allowed on.

Come on SHDC, get someone down there handing out £500 fines and make their day, I certainly don't enjoy making sandcastles that are more sticky and prone to attracting flies than the next ones and once word gets around then the one or two mindless idiots who ruin it for the masses of responsible owners will sort themselves out.

Most of the owners cleaned up straight away and it was great - no problems at all so despite the slight issue and the long rant the beach still gets the thumbs up, and yes it's nice to have a friendly dog wander up and play for a bit or swim past you, some people just need to be a bit more considerate and appreciate this is an area designated natural beauty, nothing spoils it more than a photo with a dog turd on it !

Final Score - Challaborough 2, Burgh Island 9.

Should SHDC send a tractor to Challaborough to keep it tip top when needed and appoint a warden to Burgh Island then the scores would be 8 and 10 - Challaborough has all the makings of a great beach but not when it's covered in rubbish.

Dost Thou See a Tiger ?

Today was forecast rain for a change, although the weather report added fog, mist, low cloud, snow and plagues of locusts and other things to the fun. Actually only joking about the snow.

This meant today was the trip to the Dartmoor Zoological Park or DZP as they like to call it - we've not been before but it used to be Dartmoor big cat sanctuary and our daughter is mad on Tigers.
Now pop this into Sat nav and it decides to take you via Jupiter and Uranus before dropping you into a black hole.
Just set Navigation to Sparkwell and with any luck you will pick up the signs for the park well before the Sat nav takes you down a road the size of your own bowels. From Challaborough its about 12 miles to the park - Follow the A379 and take the A3121 cut through to the A38 (Signpost Exeter A38), this keeps you on roads you have a reasonable chance of survival on rather than ones with a certain death sign.

Now I have to say the entrance didn't inspire us much, it consisted of a car park with three cars in it, some chaps in diggers doing lots of work and a lonely chap taking your money.
Added to that the mist and rain and I felt like I'd been mugged in a polite but crappy way but read on as the weather improves, who knows my mood might as well ?

You wander up a hill to the main park itself, on the right (no animals - bear in mind its hammering down with rain), on the left (wet animals) but the cafe beckons.
Quick cup of really nice coffee (£1.60 for a mug) and we start off, and I have to be honest we were not impressed initially, couldn't see any bears in the bear compound (obviously keeping out of the rain), the Racoons were no where to be seen (probably in Kingsbridge rummaging in the bins) and the rain (and mist) was not helping our general mood - my photo's look like I've used a fog filter for an added effect rather than try and focus on an animal 25 feet away in the mist.

Now everyone has had those moments in their life (Birthdays and Christmas) where they have decided they want an Xbox 360, out comes the large wrapped present (which is exactly the right size and weight), you carefully open the wrapping lest you disturb the prestine outer skeleton that is the Xbox packaging itself - you then find some bastard has got you a toaster.

However ... quite often after a short family row (which often includes destroying the said toaster in a fit of temper and pointing out to the family the 150 pictures you stuck to the walls and the fact you changed your name to "Xbox" as subtle hints you wanted one), there suddenly emerges another box - which you immediately assume is another fecking toaster.

You open the wrapping quickly on this (not realising someone has sellotaped the paper to the box so you tear the box covering itself) and find yourself the owner of the item you coveted with such enthusiasm (although it's dampened by the now less than perfect box but you make a mental note to buy the wife a new Iron for her Birthday).

This was the feeling we had when we turned the (damp and misty) corner and found the Wolves and Tigers - despite the mist and rain you were faced with incredible animals and views.
We've been to our share of Zoo's and Wildlife Parks and normally Wolves and Tigers are fast asleep 500 yards from the safety fences, not in this case - your behind a safety barrier but you could literally reach out and touch the animals (obviously leaving your arm as payment).



There's one Amur Tiger near the Wolves (which is the aunt of three more on the park), the Lions and Tigers are in nice compounds, good sizes, plenty of water and places to climb etc (we don't like the steel cages do we ?) and they actually move.
Next to the Tiger is the Cheetah compound, and again it was actually walking around and doing something (hopefully stalking several rabbits - I've never seen so many until we went on this holiday).

Visit the otters and just call out to them for some amusing antics as they rush up and start squeaking to you.
The guide came and fed the Otters at 12pm (who had a pack of Prawns today) - make sure you note down the feeding times from the board beside the cafe.

Just around the corner Soverign the Jaguar who very kindly came out the mist and sat on his rock allowing some fantastic pictures (apologies for the pic being a little dark, it was misty so I adjusted the brightness to reduce it a little).



On the way back to the cafe there's a large paddock you can go in (make sure by the way to take decent boots as it can get muddy and wet), in there are two crazy Mcaws who will call to you from miles away - ducks, small deer and pigmy goats.

A quick home made burger, fries, coleslaw and salad (very good for £6.25 - I had trouble eating it all), or have a simpler snack of chips and cheese ! Couple more cups of their excellent coffee and then off we go again to try and spot some bears (who appear to be still sleeping), back to the otters as we need to get to the Jaguar for 2pm)

We met the guide again for the Jaguar feeding who appeared quite happy to have some Horse then off to the close encounter session where you can hold land snails, stick insects, coackroaches, snakes etc.

I have to be honest, when we got as far as the bears and Racoons initially (and bear in mind it was raining and the diggers working on the entrance etc) we thought the trip was going to be terrible.

In reality this turned out to be one of the best zoo trips we have ever had, ignore the work going on at the entrance, the entrance fee is perfectly reasonable and spend plenty of time standing 5 feet from some major animals enjoying exactly what the park is all about.
The staff (and I mean all the staff) are friendly and very helpful, they couldn't do enough for you and you didn't feel you were in the sterile environment of some zoo's, the young French lady (sorry didn't get your name) who fed the Otters and gave the talks obviously loves her job and enjoys talking to anyone else who loves animals, we had roaches and stick insects crawling around and added to the great food and very reasonable gift shop (I got 4 gifts for £6.30 which would have expected to cost £20 at our local zoo).

If your heading down Torquay, Plymouth or around this area then book yourself a day to visit - we arrived at 10am and spent the entire day - you will be surprised how quickly the time goes as your watching the Tigers and large cats as they come so close to you.
It's more enjoyable as they are in good size enclosures with large pools, plenty of thick grass and places to climb so you can see they animals are happy and contented - in this day and age nothing should be in a cage but if they are in a zoo they need plenty of space, the enclosures are designed so in most cases there is a good clear view so you can get some great photos, the zoo also do photographer days where you can be taken around by your own guide and given unique access to the enclosures etc.

Would we go back again - without doubt, we enjoyed Paignton zoo last year (make sure you go there as well), didn't get time to go to the National Aquarium (but DZP do joint tickets by the way offering discount) but this park left us buzzing.
When you have someone who is mad on large cats anyway you can't help but be impessed when your so close and they are playing, growling and generally eying you up for their lunch - probably our favourite zoo of all time.