Armourgeddon

Well After 25 Years of Marriage most people celebrate in the traditional way, we were no different so decided to have some Tank paint balling.

The Venue was Armourgeddon near Market Harborough, Leicester (http://www.chaospaintball.co.uk/)
Nice and easy to find on the A5199 we arrived with enough time to scoff down a D-Day torpedo roll at the snack bar. It might sound expensive at £3 for a hot dog and to be honest under the trade description act calling it a 12" hot dog didn't seem accurate, 14" seemed more like it - we had these enormous hot dogs (with onions) and a drink, chilled out watching the other tanks (there's plenty of viewing area so anyone can take pictures etc) then into the hangar for kitting out in camo gear and helmets.

We had a desert tank, a mere lightweight at 17 tonnes and all took turns driving, loading and shooting the paintball ammo (paint filled ping pong balls), you drive with the hatches open and then try with the hatches closed so not one for anyone subject to sudden panic attacks.
Moving round the tank is mostly crawling around in the mud you've trodden in (take some VERY mud proof boots and some spare shoes to change into - to say it was muddy wouldn't do it justice and we laughed as one woman turned up in what amounted to flip flops !!!) make sure you keep your helmets on as there's plenty of head banging and thumping, the nearest head trauma clinic is far too far away so it's not good to leave blood pouring out the back of the tank.

So kitted out and having tried firing the tanks we then have a mini tank battle, that involves moving to a point, firing two rounds as quick as you can at the other tank, the first to fire can then move to the next point - if you get your rounds off quick then your a moving target so may get an advantage.
Whilst this sounds easy trust me with the hatches closed, your mad wife driving and mad brother shooting it's anything but easy. Our instructor (Ollie) forgot to give us the 10 rounds of ammo so unfortunately I spilled the whole box full on the floor of the tank while we had all the hatches shut and the opposing tank (with two instructors in) firing at us.
This game involves shouting as much as possible but ensuring you put "Fuck" in between every word i.e "Fucking Loading", "Fucking Ready", "Fucking Firing", "Fucking missed" etc.
Trust a 46 year old fat guy when he says 10 rounds in a tank with the hatches down was more than enough - we drew 7 -7 against the instructors so were happy with that.
It also helps to shout as loud as possible to the driver, they can't hear you with their headset on but it makes for more of a laugh "Fucking GO GO GO, Fucking STOP etc".


As wedding anniversaries go you couldn't beat hurling 17 tonnes of fighting steel around a muddy field and firing rounds at the "bad guys", covered in mud and laughing we headed off for the rifle shooting which you can get for £10 if your tank driving - we fired off 30 rounds with 10 being at a target, fortunately we left a couple of targets unmarked so they can use them again, I scored 7 out of 10 with a nice cluster of three by the manufacturer marks on the lower right - I think the butterflies are safe for another day.

Another 12" (or is it 14") hot dog and we're done for the day.

Many thanks to all the guys at Armourgeddon, they reassured us while trying to ram a hardened steel hatch on our heads, talked us through the bits we needed but unlike some people they had fun with us and encouraged us all to have a good day.

We're now waiting for a CD of pictures they take of you during your travels, they use a decent camera and take plenty of photos (salutes, Hitler gestures etc) and you get to view some on your return to the hangar - it may sound expensive for a CD at £30 (for the group) but bear in mind the group is three people and some of the rip off fun fairs charge £6 or £7 for a log flume picture so in reality it's OK - and it's fucking hard taking a photo on a tank bashing and sliding through mud (I took a 3 min video of nothing - I presume the camera got knocked in my pocket and took 3 mins of my pocket) so if you don't have a camera they will take pictures and mail you a CD full.

All in all you spend 2 hours in the tank rotating around then deciding on your positions for the final battle, trust me that 2 hours is plenty, spare a thought for our troops spending their lives in these things, our tank had seen service in Iraq so it's not a nice spacious place, fart in here and you loose all your friends quickly.

If your going make sure you take a hell of a pair of boots, some spare shoes and make sure you have a D-Day hot dog as well - p.s don't over charge the gun, I charged a bit too much and my brother ended up firing into the field behind so apologies to anyone who finds a pink cow in the morning !

Roger and Out - Tangos at 2 O'Clock (or is it 13:50 ?)