Just realised It's been more than a week since I landed back in Blighty but might help to post a review of the hotel etc just in case one person needs to read it out of the several billion on the planet.
First Frankfurt and Germany themselves -
I was impressed with Germany, the level of English spoken is high and good, I found no one who couldn't speak English and thankfully this helped considerably.
Most things such as train ticket machines have multi language support so you can get far enough to get tickets etc.
Public transport is clean, efficient and makes transport in the UK appear medieval, trains are spacious and clean, they seem far wider than ours, more seating, far better lighting and ventilation and you feel your traveling on a open glass carriage rather than the cramped and dark trains we have.
Buses and trams are no different, they run exactly on time, the Autobahn has a glass like surface, barely a bump is felt over hundreds of kilometers, they really know how to do transport.
The Germans recycle like maniacs, although we've started to recycle with 5 wheelie bins stuck outside every house now they don't seem to have the problems we have.
Walk into a supermarket and the bottles and packing are labeled so you know you can recycle, it will say "Cola PET" so you know it's a PET bottle.
When they are empty the Germans take them back to the supermarket and pop them in a machine, it crushes them and weighs them, when your done it gives you a money off coupon for your shopping.
You don't get carrier bags unless you ask, glass bottles are also recycled with the same attitude - I even noticed in the station the bins have 4 compartments so you can sort your glass, plastic etc, full marks on that one.
Food - you can't fault it really, the only complaint was too much of it, the supermarkets stock a vast range of stuff, far more than UK stores - the restaurants serve good food with anything meat being particularly good.
I had Chinese while there, Hungarian, Italian etc and no complaints on any of it, the hotel food was very good, I can't really complain on anything.
Some days the lunch was so large I couldn't eat an evening meal.
Now for the hotel .....
I stopped in the Hotel Mercure, Im Dammwald, Friedrichsdorf.
This is about 30 mins North (west slightly) of Frankfurt, just after Bad Homburg.
The hotel is about 10 mins from the station, it's not a long walk at all but if your lazy the local taxis charge about 3 Euro for the journey.
Next door is the Toom supermarket so no problem stocking up on bottled water etc if you want.
I stayed in a room with a balcony (most rooms don't have them), had a double bed, settee (which can also be a bed) a chair and table and an armchair so plenty of seating.
The good bits first.
Hotel room clean and tidy, normally I'm used to finding light fittings or mirrors hanging off walls but not here, everything was spotless, even the balcony was clean.
Everything worked fine, a good picture on the TV and a seperate dressing/storage area so all your clothes had plenty of storage room.
The room had a small mini bar fridge so enough room to put some bottles of water, I managed to put a litre of fruit juice in and 3 small bottles of water so no problems there.
Unlike most hotels I found this one quiet and relaxed, even with the descending Cosmos coach trips the hotel remained quiet - the only time any noise was noticed was during a wedding but even that didn't go far into the night.
Freidrichsdorf is on the edge of the Taunus region so you get hills on most sides and quite lively weather - one minute we're sitting having a drink, next it's thundering and raining.
Within walking distance is the town center itself, plenty of restaurants etc so no need for a car if your not going far.
Frankfurt is 3.70 Euro one way (I think 6.40 Euro return), this takes you right into Frankfurt Main station so no problems there either.
Food - We found out almost at the end of our stay the Fish menu was missing from the English menu so make sure you ask about Fish.
Breakfast had more than you could eat, fried potatoes, bacon, sausage, fresh bread etc, fantastic honey and butter, you couldn't complain.
Meals consisted of Beef, Chicken, Turkey or Pork but the steaks were far better than anything in the UK (unless you go to Scotland), I will miss the amazing steaks.
Sometimes the hotel had a buffet and again no complaints on that - they had cold and hot food and very nice it was too.
All in all a nice hotel to stay at with friendly staff and good food - I never got to check the pool out but other people said it was fine.
Bad points -
The view from my balcony consisted of looking into the living rooms of the flats behind the hotel, perhaps not the best view but that's the way it was.
The rooms didn't have a kettle in them, just a Tassimo, so unless you like Coffee your stuck.
On some days the room service forgot to put any Coffee or sugar out so I had none, other days they let me have one then others three !
I would have liked some tea so take note of this but buying tea bags serves no purpose without a kettle.
Also small things - the room had a bottle of mineral water in (free in most UK hotels), here it was 2.70 Euro, so I went to Toom and got 6 bottles for just over a Euro.
I've stayed in hotels where a bottle of mineral water was by your bed every day, it makes a lot of difference, you get in and are dehydrated so it counts for a lot when you can have a nice drink without realising it's cost almost 3 Euro.
It would have been nice as well to have had one or two English satelite channels, 10 days watching Simpsons in German was too much.
Apart from that it was a good hotel and a good stay, I left quite relaxed knowing the trip out of Germany would be equally relaxing - I knew heart in heart that the problems would be the moment I stepped off the plane in the UK and I was not proven wrong.
Well done Germany and thanks to the Hotel Mercure, I enjoyed my trip and certainly want to return one day.
Wednesday 29 July 2009
Sunday 19 July 2009
Der Eagle Ist Landen
Nothing I enjoy more than traveling back from somewhere when the entire atmosphere decides to collect above you and dump itself on you.
Traveling to Frankfurt was via a massive thunderstorm, so bad you could barely make out all the graffiti ridden buildings and walls as we trundled to the main station.
A mere 300 yards to the coach for Frankfurt Hahn left me soaked so I ducked (as everyone else did) into the South exit for the station, quite amusing to watch the Germans in front of me stand blocking the exit and ignoring peoples requests for them to move out the fecking way.
One bloke even decided to point at some things, almost taking a woman straight in the face with his hand, now most people would apologies and withdraw but nope, he kept his hand rigid forcing her to duck under his hand but she still couldn't get past him as he was blocking the only clear passage !!!
Anyway the coach finally departs for the 1hr 45 min drive to Frankfurt Hahn, the home of Ryan air - to be fair for 12 Euro it was good value, it's a long drive yourself via several motorways but the coach takes a short cut over some mountains and drops down towards Hahn.
A short lunch of French fries from the vendor outside (not bad either with a good dollop of sauce or mayo) for just over 2 euro, there's also a good cheap pizza and pretzel place so don't eat in the airport, get some grub just outside.
The flight back was best described as "frisky" and true to form we land in the UK to freezing temperatures and torrential rain.
Just time to whizz through customs etc and try to find some trains, fortunately I waited only 9 mins in Birmingham new street, strange I thought, this trains not on the schedule I printed - turns out that in true British style this trains actually an hour late !
Now my experience of late trains is they are always too short, too packed and too shitty.
This one didn't dissapoint, it was standing room only, late and rattled and buzzed all the way home.
Getting to Notts I found an hour wait to get the train home so hopped on the tram, ahh this is just like Germany - clean, fast and on time - quite amusing how to realise how bad our trains are.
So there we go, the Frankfurt trip ends - the timezone has screwed my body clock, I need a shit when i'm having breakfast but need my breakfast when I'm asleep - ah well.
Traveling to Frankfurt was via a massive thunderstorm, so bad you could barely make out all the graffiti ridden buildings and walls as we trundled to the main station.
A mere 300 yards to the coach for Frankfurt Hahn left me soaked so I ducked (as everyone else did) into the South exit for the station, quite amusing to watch the Germans in front of me stand blocking the exit and ignoring peoples requests for them to move out the fecking way.
One bloke even decided to point at some things, almost taking a woman straight in the face with his hand, now most people would apologies and withdraw but nope, he kept his hand rigid forcing her to duck under his hand but she still couldn't get past him as he was blocking the only clear passage !!!
Anyway the coach finally departs for the 1hr 45 min drive to Frankfurt Hahn, the home of Ryan air - to be fair for 12 Euro it was good value, it's a long drive yourself via several motorways but the coach takes a short cut over some mountains and drops down towards Hahn.
A short lunch of French fries from the vendor outside (not bad either with a good dollop of sauce or mayo) for just over 2 euro, there's also a good cheap pizza and pretzel place so don't eat in the airport, get some grub just outside.
The flight back was best described as "frisky" and true to form we land in the UK to freezing temperatures and torrential rain.
Just time to whizz through customs etc and try to find some trains, fortunately I waited only 9 mins in Birmingham new street, strange I thought, this trains not on the schedule I printed - turns out that in true British style this trains actually an hour late !
Now my experience of late trains is they are always too short, too packed and too shitty.
This one didn't dissapoint, it was standing room only, late and rattled and buzzed all the way home.
Getting to Notts I found an hour wait to get the train home so hopped on the tram, ahh this is just like Germany - clean, fast and on time - quite amusing how to realise how bad our trains are.
So there we go, the Frankfurt trip ends - the timezone has screwed my body clock, I need a shit when i'm having breakfast but need my breakfast when I'm asleep - ah well.
Thursday 16 July 2009
Almost time
Well my time in Sunny Frankfurt is almost over, the smell of lightly fermenting sewage will be a distant memory and I will once again be able to feel the warm caress and intimate silky texture of my Xbox 360 controller.
I suppose i'll say "hi" to the wife somewhere along the line.
My brothers just having some "women trouble" so I've advised him to ensure he elevates his command privileges as you do in ubuntu, the command should be....
"sudo dpkg girlfriend --reconfigure", this should allow him to reconfigure using the run time wizard.
He's apparently having some issues with the first question.
"Do you want your girlfriend to be 1 - Mad as a box of spanners, 2 - An axe murderer, 3 - Polish, 4 - All of these"
Hopefully though he'll be able to reboot girfriend module, if this doesn't work the best command is.....
"Sudo apt-get remove girlfriend --force" - this should remove the annoying package without any confirmation required or without giving a shit.
Should that be ok he might then be able to ...
"Sudo apt-get upgrade girlfriend" or select a new version number, hopefully this time he'll chose one in the same language pack, I suspect some of the run time files were not translating to Engligh correctly which led to most of his problems.
Should all this fail I've advised him to change his name to "Gophuk Yursalf" it's a traditional Yugoslavian name ......
I suppose i'll say "hi" to the wife somewhere along the line.
My brothers just having some "women trouble" so I've advised him to ensure he elevates his command privileges as you do in ubuntu, the command should be....
"sudo dpkg girlfriend --reconfigure", this should allow him to reconfigure using the run time wizard.
He's apparently having some issues with the first question.
"Do you want your girlfriend to be 1 - Mad as a box of spanners, 2 - An axe murderer, 3 - Polish, 4 - All of these"
Hopefully though he'll be able to reboot girfriend module, if this doesn't work the best command is.....
"Sudo apt-get remove girlfriend --force" - this should remove the annoying package without any confirmation required or without giving a shit.
Should that be ok he might then be able to ...
"Sudo apt-get upgrade girlfriend" or select a new version number, hopefully this time he'll chose one in the same language pack, I suspect some of the run time files were not translating to Engligh correctly which led to most of his problems.
Should all this fail I've advised him to change his name to "Gophuk Yursalf" it's a traditional Yugoslavian name ......
Tuesday 14 July 2009
I think it's Tuesday ?
We were fortunate enough to eat in the same place we ate in yesterday but despite my worst fears they had managed to obtain a new supply of flies.
They were lively buggers trying to swoop onto my meal or drinks then trying everyone else in the room - it makes for such a delightful dinner when you know a fly wants to trample it's own shit on your plate and suck the mess up.
Anyway, despite the dull Sunday (Germany appears to close for Sunday), we started back training to a nice cool room yesterday (Monday), dinner at the undisclosed destination (but Monday was drowsy fly day, they were not very lively).
Today saw a warm muggy day with most of the hills covered either in fog, mist or smoke from the thousands of flies being burnt - not sure which ?
It was so hot I was considering taking my trousers off and sitting in the course in my undercrackers, that would sort the lot of them out.
Thankfully someone remembered the windows do actually open and we cooled down a little.
There's something very un-nerving about working on computer equipment with dribbles of sweat running down the crack of your arse, not recommended.
We finally left the room at 17:50 so we could get back in time to see the Cosmos bus from haides itself arrive, although it was fairly refreshing to see someone who was not 98 and smelling of piddle.
She cast a "fuck off - stop staring at my tits" gaze in our direction and our work was done, dinner it seemed would be yet another lonely affair the three of us sitting there like Cassette tapes in a drawer full of CDs.
On the plus side I could enjoy an hour of Germany's finest Television - it even makes shit TV look good.
Have a butchers at http://watch.squidtv.net/europe/germany.html - ZDF is exceptionally dull on a Sunday when they have Fernsehgarten - http://www.fernsehgarten.zdf.de/
Imagine Noels House party with all the good bits removed (bearing in mind it's utter fucking shit in the first place) and you will get an idea of how terribly mindless it is.
Even the bad miming or half naked dancers does nothing to lighten what is most likely the them program for Exit the Euthanasia society.
The plunge from the 7th floor to the ground was actually quite inviting compared to the torture of Fernsehgarten but little was I to know there was a surprise in store.
It was actually the best program on that day - never saw that bastard coming, what a bugger !
Anyway, back to the meal avec flies, I had a BBQ platter it consisted of chicken (not too bad), a long kebab like thing (also not too bad), a piece of meat of unknown originan (possibly beef?), a piece of bacon and a round flat thing that resembled a deep fried poop.
All served with red pepper rice (ugh) and red pepper sauce (double ugh), to be fair if it wasn't for the damn heat setting the flies off it was not too bad.
We amused ourselves with traditional meal games, catch the fly, flick the fly, brush the fly and finally knock the fly over to your colleague.
Ahh good times.
They were lively buggers trying to swoop onto my meal or drinks then trying everyone else in the room - it makes for such a delightful dinner when you know a fly wants to trample it's own shit on your plate and suck the mess up.
Anyway, despite the dull Sunday (Germany appears to close for Sunday), we started back training to a nice cool room yesterday (Monday), dinner at the undisclosed destination (but Monday was drowsy fly day, they were not very lively).
Today saw a warm muggy day with most of the hills covered either in fog, mist or smoke from the thousands of flies being burnt - not sure which ?
It was so hot I was considering taking my trousers off and sitting in the course in my undercrackers, that would sort the lot of them out.
Thankfully someone remembered the windows do actually open and we cooled down a little.
There's something very un-nerving about working on computer equipment with dribbles of sweat running down the crack of your arse, not recommended.
We finally left the room at 17:50 so we could get back in time to see the Cosmos bus from haides itself arrive, although it was fairly refreshing to see someone who was not 98 and smelling of piddle.
She cast a "fuck off - stop staring at my tits" gaze in our direction and our work was done, dinner it seemed would be yet another lonely affair the three of us sitting there like Cassette tapes in a drawer full of CDs.
On the plus side I could enjoy an hour of Germany's finest Television - it even makes shit TV look good.
Have a butchers at http://watch.squidtv.net/europe/germany.html - ZDF is exceptionally dull on a Sunday when they have Fernsehgarten - http://www.fernsehgarten.zdf.de/
Imagine Noels House party with all the good bits removed (bearing in mind it's utter fucking shit in the first place) and you will get an idea of how terribly mindless it is.
Even the bad miming or half naked dancers does nothing to lighten what is most likely the them program for Exit the Euthanasia society.
The plunge from the 7th floor to the ground was actually quite inviting compared to the torture of Fernsehgarten but little was I to know there was a surprise in store.
It was actually the best program on that day - never saw that bastard coming, what a bugger !
Anyway, back to the meal avec flies, I had a BBQ platter it consisted of chicken (not too bad), a long kebab like thing (also not too bad), a piece of meat of unknown originan (possibly beef?), a piece of bacon and a round flat thing that resembled a deep fried poop.
All served with red pepper rice (ugh) and red pepper sauce (double ugh), to be fair if it wasn't for the damn heat setting the flies off it was not too bad.
We amused ourselves with traditional meal games, catch the fly, flick the fly, brush the fly and finally knock the fly over to your colleague.
Ahh good times.
Friday 10 July 2009
Stardate - lost
Lost all track of dates and times, I believe it might be Friday today.
The day started pretty shit - the restaurant ran out of tea strainers so it was either drink scalding black tea through gritted teeth, strain it through my shirt or not fucking bother.
They did offer to get me some "English breakfast tea" but after 40 mins and repeated requests I gave up.
The bacon was Zuper crispy (aka almost burnt), sausages cold, no fried potato so it was pretty dull.
I then had to work the training hosts coffee machine so I could make a cup of tea, now I'm OK with printers but not fucking domestic appliances - "push what button ? , Turn what ?" - fortunately Juliene came in and just turned a knob - Duh.
The trouble with having no tea is your brain rots away so it was perhaps borderline when I was trying to operate the machine so had Juliene not arrive God knows what would have happened.
So we continue the day, shouts of "Phillipe, nes pas Chantee" - "Phillipe stop fucking singing"
and then trying to explain in French what a fluffer was - I got as far as "regardes le cinematic pornographique" and had their attention.
Enough pidgeon English/French to explain to their amusment and for them to demonstrate.
Off to another restaurant for dinner, think this one was like a Beefeater or similar, had the lamb platter which was OK.
More hard grind on the printer and then finally after lots of work we finish for the week.
Now I'm stuck on the 7th floor for two days, sounds like I need to take a train to Frankfurt and see what's what ?
The day started pretty shit - the restaurant ran out of tea strainers so it was either drink scalding black tea through gritted teeth, strain it through my shirt or not fucking bother.
They did offer to get me some "English breakfast tea" but after 40 mins and repeated requests I gave up.
The bacon was Zuper crispy (aka almost burnt), sausages cold, no fried potato so it was pretty dull.
I then had to work the training hosts coffee machine so I could make a cup of tea, now I'm OK with printers but not fucking domestic appliances - "push what button ? , Turn what ?" - fortunately Juliene came in and just turned a knob - Duh.
The trouble with having no tea is your brain rots away so it was perhaps borderline when I was trying to operate the machine so had Juliene not arrive God knows what would have happened.
So we continue the day, shouts of "Phillipe, nes pas Chantee" - "Phillipe stop fucking singing"
and then trying to explain in French what a fluffer was - I got as far as "regardes le cinematic pornographique" and had their attention.
Enough pidgeon English/French to explain to their amusment and for them to demonstrate.
Off to another restaurant for dinner, think this one was like a Beefeater or similar, had the lamb platter which was OK.
More hard grind on the printer and then finally after lots of work we finish for the week.
Now I'm stuck on the 7th floor for two days, sounds like I need to take a train to Frankfurt and see what's what ?
Thursday 9 July 2009
Day Four (or is it three ? or Five ?)
I've lost count now, but I think its Thursday.
Anyway, no sign of the Cosmos coach full of old bastards, breakfast consisted of bacon, eggs, sausage and fried potatoes.
Follow this with some nice fresh Assam tea (black), two croissants with awsome honey and finally some apfelsaft (apple juice) - I was set.
I like the little german sausages, they look like Lincoln sausages at home but not really spiced, good decent sausage, top marks for that.
The honey is in a league of it's own, I don't eat much honey but this is amazing, I could grab a pot and stick my head in.
The day saw me using the phrase "Un Vis, Deux Vis, Trois Vis" throughout the day (One screw, two screws, three screws) with my French training partner, he's OK though - we laugh and fuck up but sort it out quick before the instructor finds out.
Lunch saw an Italian Micht Pizza, apparently Italian in Germany is just that, no Pizza.
Not bad, had Hawaian and was fine.
Afternoon snack of small jam filled pastry and that's me done.
Quick nip in Toom for a bottle of Apfelsaft Micht Mango and then complain to the hotel that some bastard is teasing me, I've got 2 cups in my room , a Tassimo, no coffee, no milk and one pack of sugar, what a bunch of fuckers.
Someone brought me up two pods of coffee but no milk, eventually some milk but no sugar !
Lucky I got a pack of sugar cubes in my case I got from Toom - may as well use them.
The only problem I've had is the amount of meat, I've just dropped a massive shit that in payload terms is probably larger than any Lancaster ever delivered here.
In the distance I can hear sirens, I think I've triggered a "turd storm" alarm.
Apart from having an arse of fire now it's all OK.
Pretty dull day really but then again when your stopping in a place where your bed is made with set square precision then it's going to be dull.
Anyway, no sign of the Cosmos coach full of old bastards, breakfast consisted of bacon, eggs, sausage and fried potatoes.
Follow this with some nice fresh Assam tea (black), two croissants with awsome honey and finally some apfelsaft (apple juice) - I was set.
I like the little german sausages, they look like Lincoln sausages at home but not really spiced, good decent sausage, top marks for that.
The honey is in a league of it's own, I don't eat much honey but this is amazing, I could grab a pot and stick my head in.
The day saw me using the phrase "Un Vis, Deux Vis, Trois Vis" throughout the day (One screw, two screws, three screws) with my French training partner, he's OK though - we laugh and fuck up but sort it out quick before the instructor finds out.
Lunch saw an Italian Micht Pizza, apparently Italian in Germany is just that, no Pizza.
Not bad, had Hawaian and was fine.
Afternoon snack of small jam filled pastry and that's me done.
Quick nip in Toom for a bottle of Apfelsaft Micht Mango and then complain to the hotel that some bastard is teasing me, I've got 2 cups in my room , a Tassimo, no coffee, no milk and one pack of sugar, what a bunch of fuckers.
Someone brought me up two pods of coffee but no milk, eventually some milk but no sugar !
Lucky I got a pack of sugar cubes in my case I got from Toom - may as well use them.
The only problem I've had is the amount of meat, I've just dropped a massive shit that in payload terms is probably larger than any Lancaster ever delivered here.
In the distance I can hear sirens, I think I've triggered a "turd storm" alarm.
Apart from having an arse of fire now it's all OK.
Pretty dull day really but then again when your stopping in a place where your bed is made with set square precision then it's going to be dull.
Wednesday 8 July 2009
Day three ....
Well there's good news and bad news.
The bad news is I can't use my tea bags (they are the famous Marco Polo brand so probably taste like shit anyway) but the good news is I found a tea pot in the restaurant and its got lovely fresh tea but only at breakfast !
so here I am stuck on the 7th floor Mit nicht tea pot or kettle - I may resort to throwing myself off but there's only a patch of grass below or the kitchens.
Had a nice thunderstorm today, the printers all went nuts when the power tripped, the Xbox in the training center lit up with three red rings of death and we almost ran out of sugar.
fortunately I found some sugar so the panic was over.
Had Hungarian dinner which was strange in Germany - some had "Cutlet hunter style", "Steak from Turkey" and I had "Cutlet from calf"
Apologies but it probably was a calf - it tasted good though - the Steak from Turkey was Turkey steak and the Cutlet hunter style was breaded pork with mushroom sauce, that looked good so I'll probably have that next time.
To be fair I've not eaten since, very good meal it was and so much food I couldn't eat it all.
Add to that some small pastries in the afternoon and I'm stuffed.
The hotel was a sight for much merriment last night and today - it appeared the famous tour operator Cosmos delivered a coach load of old gits to the hotel.
The first I realized was when the lift took about 10 minutes to come ready (due to all the old people shuffling in and out) and the reception full of 100's of cases.
It was even more fun as they yattered in the lift about all sorts of crap then tried to speak to me, I pretended to be german by saying "Ich verstehe nicht", shaking my head then telling them they smelt of piss ( Sie riecht nach Pisse) - ahh bless the old folk.
Good job my phone didn't ring, it would have been hilarious to answer and to see the look on their faces.
One said "does anyone speak English?" I almost said "I do, but then again I am from England", that would have been mint.
Breakfast saw a wasteland that was once the breakfast buffet the old gits at the fricking lot - bastards.
Fortunately I saw the Cosmos bus pull off as I was grappling some bacon, sausage and egg - Goodbye old gits ... (Auf Wiedersehen alte Gits).
Now, where's my tea pot ?
The bad news is I can't use my tea bags (they are the famous Marco Polo brand so probably taste like shit anyway) but the good news is I found a tea pot in the restaurant and its got lovely fresh tea but only at breakfast !
so here I am stuck on the 7th floor Mit nicht tea pot or kettle - I may resort to throwing myself off but there's only a patch of grass below or the kitchens.
Had a nice thunderstorm today, the printers all went nuts when the power tripped, the Xbox in the training center lit up with three red rings of death and we almost ran out of sugar.
fortunately I found some sugar so the panic was over.
Had Hungarian dinner which was strange in Germany - some had "Cutlet hunter style", "Steak from Turkey" and I had "Cutlet from calf"
Apologies but it probably was a calf - it tasted good though - the Steak from Turkey was Turkey steak and the Cutlet hunter style was breaded pork with mushroom sauce, that looked good so I'll probably have that next time.
To be fair I've not eaten since, very good meal it was and so much food I couldn't eat it all.
Add to that some small pastries in the afternoon and I'm stuffed.
The hotel was a sight for much merriment last night and today - it appeared the famous tour operator Cosmos delivered a coach load of old gits to the hotel.
The first I realized was when the lift took about 10 minutes to come ready (due to all the old people shuffling in and out) and the reception full of 100's of cases.
It was even more fun as they yattered in the lift about all sorts of crap then tried to speak to me, I pretended to be german by saying "Ich verstehe nicht", shaking my head then telling them they smelt of piss ( Sie riecht nach Pisse) - ahh bless the old folk.
Good job my phone didn't ring, it would have been hilarious to answer and to see the look on their faces.
One said "does anyone speak English?" I almost said "I do, but then again I am from England", that would have been mint.
Breakfast saw a wasteland that was once the breakfast buffet the old gits at the fricking lot - bastards.
Fortunately I saw the Cosmos bus pull off as I was grappling some bacon, sausage and egg - Goodbye old gits ... (Auf Wiedersehen alte Gits).
Now, where's my tea pot ?
Tuesday 7 July 2009
Day 2
Well day 2 started a little better.
After a few hours sleep in the heat I raised to a shower, almost killing myself when I slipped on the really shiny polished floor in the bathroom, trust me it was dry as a bone but someone must have a 10,000 RPM polisher to do that to a floor.
Breakfast originally consisted of me shouting "what the feck is that shit" and "Who eats Ham for breakfast" until someone pointed out the bacon.
To be fair it was fine then, a nice plate of decent bacon, eggs, fried potatoes, fruit juice etc - not bad at all really.
A 5 min walk up to our training venue and we're sorted.
Fate it seems has a hand in many things, it often holds it's cards close to it's chest, waiting for the best time to play them.
In this case it dealt a Royal Flush with some extra Aces in case you thought you could beat it.
The training room was hotter than the surface of the sun, most of the printers were not well (broken) and in wandered 7 French chappies, some of whom appear to have no concept of English.
Now to be fair the courses should be offered in different languages or perhaps offer training material in others but it's often the case, it's in English and thats your lot.
Saying that the Instructor appears a treat, she has a sense of humor which is probably due to run out anytime (I suspect tomorrow) and flew half way around the world to be here minus all her luggage so full respect to her for not screaming at us and telling all to fuck off.
The training company took us all down to Der Chinese which was 100% cracking and spot on - The "Me King" China Restaurant (Am Houiller Platz 4, 61381 Friedrichsdorf) was superb, nice big glasses of cold drinks, the food was so hot I burnt myself and totally fantastic.
Apparently we go to a different place each day so we'll see !
An afternoon in the blazing heat of the training room followed by a nice cool walk back to the hotel, I still refuse to spend 2.70 Euro on a bottle of water so this ones going to sit in my room unopened for a long time !
At the moment I'm sitting writing emails etc listening to probably 20 police, ambulance etc screaming down all the roads near here.
Most likely I've set off another alarm somewhere ?
Thankfully I've got T'Internet, I've got Futurama in German and I've got the late night crap on telly, last nights consisted of some people phoning in to guess a word (is it CAT ?) whilst the host stood there totally naked except a see through dress - No idea what that was about but it was better than Sky 1.
Anyway orf for some dinner now, most likely the same choice - pork, chicken or beef - I might try for 250g tonight and see if I'm allowed it today ?
After a few hours sleep in the heat I raised to a shower, almost killing myself when I slipped on the really shiny polished floor in the bathroom, trust me it was dry as a bone but someone must have a 10,000 RPM polisher to do that to a floor.
Breakfast originally consisted of me shouting "what the feck is that shit" and "Who eats Ham for breakfast" until someone pointed out the bacon.
To be fair it was fine then, a nice plate of decent bacon, eggs, fried potatoes, fruit juice etc - not bad at all really.
A 5 min walk up to our training venue and we're sorted.
Fate it seems has a hand in many things, it often holds it's cards close to it's chest, waiting for the best time to play them.
In this case it dealt a Royal Flush with some extra Aces in case you thought you could beat it.
The training room was hotter than the surface of the sun, most of the printers were not well (broken) and in wandered 7 French chappies, some of whom appear to have no concept of English.
Now to be fair the courses should be offered in different languages or perhaps offer training material in others but it's often the case, it's in English and thats your lot.
Saying that the Instructor appears a treat, she has a sense of humor which is probably due to run out anytime (I suspect tomorrow) and flew half way around the world to be here minus all her luggage so full respect to her for not screaming at us and telling all to fuck off.
The training company took us all down to Der Chinese which was 100% cracking and spot on - The "Me King" China Restaurant (Am Houiller Platz 4, 61381 Friedrichsdorf) was superb, nice big glasses of cold drinks, the food was so hot I burnt myself and totally fantastic.
Apparently we go to a different place each day so we'll see !
An afternoon in the blazing heat of the training room followed by a nice cool walk back to the hotel, I still refuse to spend 2.70 Euro on a bottle of water so this ones going to sit in my room unopened for a long time !
At the moment I'm sitting writing emails etc listening to probably 20 police, ambulance etc screaming down all the roads near here.
Most likely I've set off another alarm somewhere ?
Thankfully I've got T'Internet, I've got Futurama in German and I've got the late night crap on telly, last nights consisted of some people phoning in to guess a word (is it CAT ?) whilst the host stood there totally naked except a see through dress - No idea what that was about but it was better than Sky 1.
Anyway orf for some dinner now, most likely the same choice - pork, chicken or beef - I might try for 250g tonight and see if I'm allowed it today ?
Monday 6 July 2009
Day Ein
I am officially on line - I found a T-mobile hot spot from my sniper position on the 7th floor.
29 euros for 30 days unlimited access, or 8 euros - get this for 60 mins !!!!!
The hotel want 7.95 for 24 hours so this is a snip.
The day started as many days do, stepping on chicken shite and letting them out.
Following a hearty breakfast of Asda Malties we headed for the station.
The day was lifted when the TV announced the train was subject to anything up to 12 minutes delay - it's even better when you realize I have about 12 minutes to find the train to Birmingham.
Anyway the train was on time despite leaning some 45 degrees through Hucknall.
Guessing which platform would take me to Birmingham (the one full of students and having less human turds on the line) I picked number 6 which was spot on.
Boarding the rattling express I found seat 51 was taken so I kicked the young lady out of the seat and set down to impress the train with my Suduko skills. After vowing never to touch another we arrived in Brum.
The train doesn't so much pull into Birmingham, rather roll as a car would if you removed the engine and pushed it down a small slope.
Alighting gingerly in Birmingham I had all the time in the world to get up to the main platform and find my next train, the two minutes I had were almost enough to go to the furthest platform possible, the only thing further than my platform (1a) was the rubbish bins.
Alighting the strangely empty Birmingham International train (I had visions of spending the night in a rail siding), we set off to the Airport, or as they say in Germany "the large field hundreds of miles from anywhere".
Arriving at the Airport I thought it would be amusing to set off the metal detector with my lucky 10p I forgot I had in my wallet - blast my lucky 10p, I almost had the greased finger of doom rooting for steel where no man should go.
After removing my belt, shoes, trouser rivets etc I finally passed, quite amusing that my trousers managed to stay up - it would have been good watching Sky News - "Mass panic at Airport".
I dined on the finest Boots "meal deal" in the airport departure lounge, a cross between the gates of Hell and the place of the damned.
Finally the Tannoy Burst into life "Allh theajhak fodgh ryan fddia kk Frangkurt skjjker r dfdkj eejjj" - err what who ?
Fortunately I was standing beside Gate J which was handy.
Having almost suffered the wrath of the worlds least humored security guard I decided not to upset anyone else today.
So after being told off by the flight crew for taking photos while the plane was taxi'ing I resigned myself to upset as many as possible.
Take-off in the Boeing 737-800 can only be described as "interesting", in the same way someone rams a 40 tonne truck into the rear of your car whilst your stationary is Interesting.
We sat at the edge of the runway, the engines fired up, bits fell off and then Wooooooosh we were doing about 90 in no time at all.
I gave the chap 10 seats in front his teeth back and in a roar of Rolls Royce finest we were up in the air, safe in the hands of Herr someone or other (who I had no idea how to pronounce).
Fortunately he didn't seem to have any sense of humor and with typical precision skirted around some pretty neat thunderclouds with steering that would have F1 giants crying.
He obviously got bored a few times and punctuated the trip with "flight crew sit down", "Flight crew sell something" etc
A few minutes later we were leveling out over London, I saw him resist the urge to drop large metal objects on the Capital out of habit, instead he allowed everyone a full flush including "solid waste".
Seconds later we screamed (yes it was noisy) over a cloud covered channel and into Europe.
A few deft turns left and right (to avoid any flak) and we were descending amongst thousands of wind turbines to Frankfurt.
A quick and emotionless Passport check - consisting of "yes" and "next", collect my case and no security at all - I felt like wandering through the "I've nothing to declare but if you don't give a shit then you won't know what I've got line".
And here I was in Frankfurt ... ahhh now then.... this Airport doesn't seem what I thought it would be.
Now my perception of Frankfurt Airport was a sprawling airport the size of a small city, this one looked like 7 portakabins in a field.
And here I was in Frankfurt Hahn - aahhh that will be 100km away from where I need to be.
Now the first thing all the mobile phones do is send you hundreds of texts to say "by the way your now in Germany, welcome, you can now text for etc etc " - yes thank you I thought I was on Mars, thank God someone sent me 15 texts to say I am in Germany.
We explored a taxi to Frankfurt - 180 euros - and one laughing Taxi driver - made a note of his number, one day he will need me, one day ......
We pay 12 Euros for the 1hr 45min Das Buss to take us to Frankfurt, from there you can get a train to Freidrichsdorf.
Anyway, the other chap with me decides he wants to rent a car so we get our money back from the bus, haggle with the car hire places (beg really), get fobbed off by HR as its almost 300 Euros.
Finally he pays on his credit card and we are in Der Ford Fokus.
Now I can only describe the AutoBahn as "Interesting", Interesting as in - it's full of mad people driving as fast as possible, weaving in and out, screaming round corners and generally having a great time.
We got flashed out the way by a Toyota Corolla at 140kph - Now I know it's only 87mph but when your in a car with someone who says "I've never driven a manual left hand" it's bloody fast.
He also squeezes the Focus between a large transporter and a larger concrete barrier, commendable, I decided to wipe the arse of the transport driver, well when your that close your family really.
Finally after an hour of Der Tom Tom shouting "take Zer Motorway - They are all fucking motorways" we arrive in our hotel, just in time for a major Thunderstorm.
We conclude with a meal in the restaurant - this consists of Pork, chicken or Beef.
I opt for a 250g Pork fillet but was told I'm having a 200g.
I upset the waitress by saying "no" to all possible combinations of sauces i.e.
"Pepper Sauce ?" = "No"
"Lemon Sauce ?" = "No"
"Gravy Sauce ?" = "No"
"Any Sauce ?" = "No"
"A piece of butter ?" = "No"
My work here was done.
Anyway, I round the evening off trying to watch Futurama in German (nicht Gud), and take a trip to the Local Toom supermarket next door.
It's actually a cool place for the following reasons.
1) No carrier bags, you bought it, you carry it
2) Take your PET bottles back, it gives you money to recycle them
3) A hot chicken van right outside the door
4) It has more crisps than a crisp factory
5) Tons and tons of biscuits and nibblies
6) It's 50m from our hotel.
Down side - No Tetleys.
Having rounded the evening off by shouting "Achtung Spitfire!" from the 7th floor and watching one of my plug sockets smoking (serious shit going on here) I am now on line.
Despite the fact that nothings on TV the adverts appear Ok - something about "Super sexy flash logo" - ein ein swei something or other.
Tomorrow as they say will be another day.
29 euros for 30 days unlimited access, or 8 euros - get this for 60 mins !!!!!
The hotel want 7.95 for 24 hours so this is a snip.
The day started as many days do, stepping on chicken shite and letting them out.
Following a hearty breakfast of Asda Malties we headed for the station.
The day was lifted when the TV announced the train was subject to anything up to 12 minutes delay - it's even better when you realize I have about 12 minutes to find the train to Birmingham.
Anyway the train was on time despite leaning some 45 degrees through Hucknall.
Guessing which platform would take me to Birmingham (the one full of students and having less human turds on the line) I picked number 6 which was spot on.
Boarding the rattling express I found seat 51 was taken so I kicked the young lady out of the seat and set down to impress the train with my Suduko skills. After vowing never to touch another we arrived in Brum.
The train doesn't so much pull into Birmingham, rather roll as a car would if you removed the engine and pushed it down a small slope.
Alighting gingerly in Birmingham I had all the time in the world to get up to the main platform and find my next train, the two minutes I had were almost enough to go to the furthest platform possible, the only thing further than my platform (1a) was the rubbish bins.
Alighting the strangely empty Birmingham International train (I had visions of spending the night in a rail siding), we set off to the Airport, or as they say in Germany "the large field hundreds of miles from anywhere".
Arriving at the Airport I thought it would be amusing to set off the metal detector with my lucky 10p I forgot I had in my wallet - blast my lucky 10p, I almost had the greased finger of doom rooting for steel where no man should go.
After removing my belt, shoes, trouser rivets etc I finally passed, quite amusing that my trousers managed to stay up - it would have been good watching Sky News - "Mass panic at Airport".
I dined on the finest Boots "meal deal" in the airport departure lounge, a cross between the gates of Hell and the place of the damned.
Finally the Tannoy Burst into life "Allh theajhak fodgh ryan fddia kk Frangkurt skjjker r dfdkj eejjj" - err what who ?
Fortunately I was standing beside Gate J which was handy.
Having almost suffered the wrath of the worlds least humored security guard I decided not to upset anyone else today.
So after being told off by the flight crew for taking photos while the plane was taxi'ing I resigned myself to upset as many as possible.
Take-off in the Boeing 737-800 can only be described as "interesting", in the same way someone rams a 40 tonne truck into the rear of your car whilst your stationary is Interesting.
We sat at the edge of the runway, the engines fired up, bits fell off and then Wooooooosh we were doing about 90 in no time at all.
I gave the chap 10 seats in front his teeth back and in a roar of Rolls Royce finest we were up in the air, safe in the hands of Herr someone or other (who I had no idea how to pronounce).
Fortunately he didn't seem to have any sense of humor and with typical precision skirted around some pretty neat thunderclouds with steering that would have F1 giants crying.
He obviously got bored a few times and punctuated the trip with "flight crew sit down", "Flight crew sell something" etc
A few minutes later we were leveling out over London, I saw him resist the urge to drop large metal objects on the Capital out of habit, instead he allowed everyone a full flush including "solid waste".
Seconds later we screamed (yes it was noisy) over a cloud covered channel and into Europe.
A few deft turns left and right (to avoid any flak) and we were descending amongst thousands of wind turbines to Frankfurt.
A quick and emotionless Passport check - consisting of "yes" and "next", collect my case and no security at all - I felt like wandering through the "I've nothing to declare but if you don't give a shit then you won't know what I've got line".
And here I was in Frankfurt ... ahhh now then.... this Airport doesn't seem what I thought it would be.
Now my perception of Frankfurt Airport was a sprawling airport the size of a small city, this one looked like 7 portakabins in a field.
And here I was in Frankfurt Hahn - aahhh that will be 100km away from where I need to be.
Now the first thing all the mobile phones do is send you hundreds of texts to say "by the way your now in Germany, welcome, you can now text for etc etc " - yes thank you I thought I was on Mars, thank God someone sent me 15 texts to say I am in Germany.
We explored a taxi to Frankfurt - 180 euros - and one laughing Taxi driver - made a note of his number, one day he will need me, one day ......
We pay 12 Euros for the 1hr 45min Das Buss to take us to Frankfurt, from there you can get a train to Freidrichsdorf.
Anyway, the other chap with me decides he wants to rent a car so we get our money back from the bus, haggle with the car hire places (beg really), get fobbed off by HR as its almost 300 Euros.
Finally he pays on his credit card and we are in Der Ford Fokus.
Now I can only describe the AutoBahn as "Interesting", Interesting as in - it's full of mad people driving as fast as possible, weaving in and out, screaming round corners and generally having a great time.
We got flashed out the way by a Toyota Corolla at 140kph - Now I know it's only 87mph but when your in a car with someone who says "I've never driven a manual left hand" it's bloody fast.
He also squeezes the Focus between a large transporter and a larger concrete barrier, commendable, I decided to wipe the arse of the transport driver, well when your that close your family really.
Finally after an hour of Der Tom Tom shouting "take Zer Motorway - They are all fucking motorways" we arrive in our hotel, just in time for a major Thunderstorm.
We conclude with a meal in the restaurant - this consists of Pork, chicken or Beef.
I opt for a 250g Pork fillet but was told I'm having a 200g.
I upset the waitress by saying "no" to all possible combinations of sauces i.e.
"Pepper Sauce ?" = "No"
"Lemon Sauce ?" = "No"
"Gravy Sauce ?" = "No"
"Any Sauce ?" = "No"
"A piece of butter ?" = "No"
My work here was done.
Anyway, I round the evening off trying to watch Futurama in German (nicht Gud), and take a trip to the Local Toom supermarket next door.
It's actually a cool place for the following reasons.
1) No carrier bags, you bought it, you carry it
2) Take your PET bottles back, it gives you money to recycle them
3) A hot chicken van right outside the door
4) It has more crisps than a crisp factory
5) Tons and tons of biscuits and nibblies
6) It's 50m from our hotel.
Down side - No Tetleys.
Having rounded the evening off by shouting "Achtung Spitfire!" from the 7th floor and watching one of my plug sockets smoking (serious shit going on here) I am now on line.
Despite the fact that nothings on TV the adverts appear Ok - something about "Super sexy flash logo" - ein ein swei something or other.
Tomorrow as they say will be another day.
Saturday 4 July 2009
Germany or bust
Hello chaps, squidger here.
Me and the bally lads from work are orf to Germany next week for some training.
So far we've packed some silk maps sewn into the lining of our clothes, spoons that fit into our shoes and radios made from lumps of coal.
Our plan is to dig via the 4th floor of the hotel, carefully between the lift shaft and the servants staircase, disposing of the soil via carefully modified trousers - these will allow us to scatter the soil as we wander through the local Aldi store.
Once we break through to the Toom supermarket we will continue past the fresh fish, pre-packed meals and hope to exit near the salad and vegetables section.
Taking a tip from the great escape I must remember not to say "thanks" if someone says "have a good trip" - That caught them out a treat.
Biffer and Monty intend to disguise themselves as itinerant workmen and casually sweep their way to Frankfurt were we can sneak aboard Ryan air disguised as baggage.
Orf we go chaps, bally ho and all that.
Me and the bally lads from work are orf to Germany next week for some training.
So far we've packed some silk maps sewn into the lining of our clothes, spoons that fit into our shoes and radios made from lumps of coal.
Our plan is to dig via the 4th floor of the hotel, carefully between the lift shaft and the servants staircase, disposing of the soil via carefully modified trousers - these will allow us to scatter the soil as we wander through the local Aldi store.
Once we break through to the Toom supermarket we will continue past the fresh fish, pre-packed meals and hope to exit near the salad and vegetables section.
Taking a tip from the great escape I must remember not to say "thanks" if someone says "have a good trip" - That caught them out a treat.
Biffer and Monty intend to disguise themselves as itinerant workmen and casually sweep their way to Frankfurt were we can sneak aboard Ryan air disguised as baggage.
Orf we go chaps, bally ho and all that.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)