Gateway to Hell

Now that we've made friends and seen the sea we're probably regarded as locals.

It appears that to be a local you perform the following.

a) Drive down any road not less than 50mph
b) Stop "just" before hitting any on coming traffic
c) Squeeze your car through a gap smaller than the popularity vote for
the Scottish Parliament after freeing the Iranian Terrorist.
d) Wave politely at the idiot who nearly wiped you off the face of the
earth or wave politely back at the idiot who should have seen you coming.

I've started to get the hang of this lark so I find the nearest BMW,
Mercedes or R - Registration Peugot and hang on their tail in the hope
that they will sacrifice their airbags and front body work to keep the
road clear for me.

The Trick with Challaborough is simple,

1) Turn your Sat Nav on
2) Open your car window
3) Throw it out and shout "Fecking celebrity voices - Navigate that"
4) Use your Primeval instincts to guide you

Go out of Challaborough, into the local village (Ringmore) and straight though,
follow your nose to St. Ann's Chapel and you come out onto the A379, this carries a far
lower risk of death even lower than some cafe's and restaurants I've
been in.
Although this adds a mile or two to any route you take the fact you
emerge onto the main roads with your front bumper, headlights, paintwork
intact and even better that your pants are not full of your own shit as
you violently scream and attempt to prevent a head on collisions.

With this in mind it's only the last 1 mile thats more risky than being
a member of the Klu Klux Klan at a Deep South Wedding, I've decided to
park my car in some womans drive and walk the final mile to Challaborough - if she can
find me then I'll move the fecking car.

Ringmore itself is literally wide enough for one car only so be careful going through there, the roads are then not bad until you get that final mile for Challaborough, we followed some local idiot in a white micra who (I kid you not) did 60mph down these roads and bearing in mind you cannot see around any corners is nothing short of plain stupid - I'll keep an eye out for his obiturary.

Today saw the annual trip to Torquay, so a quick negotiation of the
twiddly roads, stop and change my pants on the A379 and we're off to
Totnes - Or as I have now named it "Gateway to Hell".
Now before my mail box bulges with Local Devon women sending topless
shots of themselves and the local male population threatening to kill me for ridiculing their roads let me explain.

Having seen the way the locals drive It appears they all head for Totnes.
All the loonies who tailgated, overtook at high speed or generally drove like madmen seemed to dissapear there so I assume the
Devil himself rides the traffic lights here.

We headed off and in fact arrived at Torquay without too many problems, parked up and visited the local purveyor of fine coffee and snacks,
that's right we went to Subway.
To be honest it was a decent coffee and suitably refreshed went to the Living coast.

A pit stop later and we had a Mexican "all you can eat" buffet, I did attempt "all I could eat" but they managed to reduce my "additional" steak to ashes so a few bad marks there.

Personally I like Torquay, they have cleaned it up considerably in the last few years so it's clean, bright and everything looks good - Add to that the parking is not too bad and its all OK in my book.

A quick stop off at Paignton and were sorted for the day.

The good news is that the site here has Wireless access, the bad news it appears to be a piece of copper stretched to the nearby island - it locks on for 10-20 seconds then goes to wireless heaven and stops working for 10 minutes (I found out later in the week it wants to install an applet in Windows but seeing as I use Ubuntu Linux it's tough shit little Applet, no way are you running on this PC !).

It doesn't help much in the middle of bingo if someones shouting "Fecking wireless shit" ..... "Is that a house at the back ?" .... "errr no it's OK".