I see no ship....

Last night was a turning point in my life, I managed to emit a single tone fart which lasted for about 15 seconds, it was clearly the longest and possibly loudest fart I had ever done.

So loud was my fart it woke the wife up at 2am as she thought there was a timer alarm going off although in reality it was more akin to a ships horn in pitch and loudness.

This got me thinking that throughout life you need to gather feedback so I propose the PISS, the Partner Informative Scoring System.

With this you can provide honest and constructive feedback without fear of reprisals, in fact I believe it should be put into marriage contracts i.e "Do you promise to take the PISS whenever it is offered ?".

How would it work ? What use would it be ?

Well it consists of 3 simple scores, similar to the dancing programs on TV at the moment but not as shit.

Basically .....
Preparation - How well did the person prepare ?
Overall Content Delivery - How well was the item delivered or in the case of food, taste ?
Consideration for others - Quite often an important score.

Here's some examples.

Your going out and your in your best outfit, your wife pops on some jogging bottoms and dirty old white trainers, she asks "how do I look ?", normally your doomed if you answer anything to this but now you can answer "PISS 1,1,1", under the rules your wife can then ask for clarification to which you say "Preparation = 1 - you were ready in 2 minutes, Overall = 1, you clearly didn't think this through and look like shit, last but not least your likely to scare the living shit out of anyone looking like that".

Your child might put some hastily finished homework in front of you and ask "how's this ?", again you might say "PISS, 2,3,3" and advise a summary "Although you appear to have used paper and a pen it looks like a spider has drunkenly wandered over your work, you've clearly thought about others though as you've made notes from MSN in the margin".

Meal times is an area of considerable conflict to bringing PISS to the table should help.
Imagine you have just come home after a busy day at the office to find 3 burnt fish fingers, some lumpy packet mashed potato and the whole lot is swimming in green liquid from the tinned tepid peas inhabiting your plate.
Obviously you can shortcut any conversations i.e no need to wait until your asked, just shout "PISS 1, 1,1" - you may elaborate ... "Although I appreciate you have been at work too, taking 3 fish fingers out the freezer, charring them until they resemble charcoal and dumping them on a plate with globs of phlem and something resembling fish shit is hardly worthy of a score, may I recommend you return to the kitchen and attempt again a meal suitable for the master of the house ?"

I'm confident that if more people gave and took the PISS then marriages and relationships would be more stable, people can honestly and openly pass constructive comments without fear of reprisals or intimidation.